why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
