whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
