R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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