he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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