If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
