Im at strip club and am horny
Ambien. No doubt about it.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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