Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
