Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
