I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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