i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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