The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
