so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
