none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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