does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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