she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
