Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
