a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
