so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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