i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
