that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Randomize
