OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
