This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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