I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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