Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
