All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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