There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Are we still banned from the library?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
