I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
