I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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