fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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