Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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