I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
