I cockslap morals
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
