Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
