But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
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