He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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