so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
