So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
