Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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