Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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