A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
too bad you live with your parents still
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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