What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
