true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
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