I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
