I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
