Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
