Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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