Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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