found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
