It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
