were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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