This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
It's rum buckets o'clock
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
