Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
