i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
