spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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