when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
