I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
