omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
that may or may not have been my penis.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
