Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize