I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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