Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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