Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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