Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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