kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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