The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize