just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
