My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
