I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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