I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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