Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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